The secret is worse than the drinking

When I was drinking crazily, whenever I used drugs, I did it secretly. A sister and an ex-girlfriend and I ate mushrooms 20 years ago—in secret—in a hotel room. Trips to my drug dealer's house were hidden. I did not make it a point to tell my family I was doing something illegal—I didn't want to go to jail and I didn't want to disappoint my family

Something illegal and disapproved of—a double whammy of no

I felt stress. My stress response was to use. What I used was off limits, so it had to be a secret. Now, to all you upstanding legal eagles out there, I want to suggest this: your relative having to keep things a secret from you is harder and more damaging and more significant than than the drugs they are using

Yes. Them keeping a secret from you is the most damaging part

Developing a practice of living your life in secret, while connected to people you purport to love, is damaging. Not to say that little secrets that plan to be revealed are a problem. Not to say that unmentioned things that are unimportant need to be mentioned. But things like: I am using hardcore drugs or things like: I am so stressed that I want to kill myself are secrets that fester and eventually explode and it would be better if we felt we could tell you earlier

This is what I mean when I say the secret is worse than the drinking: I mean that the secret covers up the real problem, which isn't drinking. Which is something much worse, that needs to be talked about if we are all to grow together

This is reason enough to legalize everything, to be more accepting of our friends and family. Maybe be someone your kid can come to and talk about what stresses them. Maybe be more accepting of your spouses and employees, be more of a listener, be more open—so that someone who needs to talk to you, will

Instead of trying to hide themself from you

The secret is way worse than the drinking—so don’t make people keep secrets from you (don’t be judgmental, don't outlaw things in your family, from your partner)

I don't drink crazily anymore. I don't do drugs to the point of incapacitation. The way I got here was not by throwing away the drugs. It was by throwing away the secrets