My discomfort is now on display for all to see

You don't show people how uncomfortable you are—you don't have to. You can keep your emotions under wraps, and present to the world the face you want

I cannot—in this way—my tardive dyskinesia causes me to shake, and shake more when I'm uncomfortable. So when more people are around me, my shaking gets worse. And when a conversation takes a dangerous turn, my shaking gets worse still!

So my internal reaction to what's going on in the room is externalized. And anyone who knows what's going on can tell that I'm uncomfortable

This has manifested several times in conversations with acquaintances and I have to actually become more comfortable with the situation if I am to relax—and stop showing my cards

I have to (in that moment) become more comfortable by listening less to the person speaking, by reminding myself that what they say will not affect me, by minimizing the importance or impact of the person's words and their place in my life

I can't fake it or my shaking will not go away—my TD shows my emotion on the surface like a flag. Anyone who knows how to read it can tell I'm disturbed

And I can't hide my disturbance—I have to deal with it in that moment or it will show

It's as if the stay-in-the-moment fairies blessed me with tardive dyskinesia specifically in order to give me tools to help me stay right here, right now