Meditation and the fear that I’ll never forget I’m blinking

For the last 10 years, I've been treated to this realization that everything waves—this idea comes from meditation. Thoughts wave, the mind waves. Everything that's here will eventually go away—it might even come back!

Then there's this thought from when I was a kid—I had become aware that I was blinking and I worried that I'd never become unaware that I was blinking—fear of forever being aware of my blinking scared me (just like the idea of forever scared me)

From an early age, it seems to me, I've been interested in figuring something out about the nature and limits of obsession and awareness. And 40 years after I first worried about always thinking about the fact that I'm blinking—I have made some progress—or at least some progress has come upon me

These things I'm afraid of focusing on forever (obsessing on) blinking, existing—thoughts of them will go away naturally (they will wave like the ocean). I don't have to worry I'll be aware of my blinking eternally, just like I don't have to worry about existing forever. My thoughts of blinking will disappear without my even knowing it and my thoughts of existence disappear (and reappear) the same way

I've been afraid of obsession

But I've learned that I cannot (ultimately) obsess forever

Obsession comes without announcing itself

It goes the same way

I can't control the waving of my mind—something in its nature prevents me from that level of control

(I'm so glad =)